Laws of Attraction: Let’s Get Practical Part 2

BoyMGirl2

Disclaimer: I believe…

  • in the sovereignty of God.
  • that God’s timing is often not our timing.
  • that no one can provide a surefire-money-back-guarantee on how to find the love of your life.

-However

I think that some of us could use some practical advice about attraction and dating. So, if you will indulge me, here are my two cents.

(To read the first part of the series, go here )

5. You Might Have To Be Proactive (especially if you are out of school)

If you’re like me and you grew up in the church, inevitably, someone will tell you that you need to just “wait on God” and when the time is right, God will bring that person into your life.

In all honesty, I think this approach is strange, especially since we seldom apply this kind of logic to other areas of our lives.

If I said that I wanted to find a church, a job, or even a hair dresser (which we all know is hard to find), few people would tell me that I should just pray and wait for God to fulfill my desire in His timing.

Let me say something that bears repeating (or at least needs to be put in bold font 😉 )

Being proactive doesn’t mean you are desperate. 

And for those who are no longer in college, the reality is, there may not be a large pool of potential dating partners in your social settings (work, church, apartment complex, etc.).

In fact, in the book How To Get A Date Worth Keeping, Dr. Henry Cloud remarks that the college experience creates multiple opportunities to meet potential dating partners due to demographics and social activities. But upon graduation, those great demographics and social activities tend to  dry up. Which means if you want to meet like-minded people in a similar age bracket, you might have to be proactive.

Being proactive can be as simple as joining a co-ed organization (e.g. a sports team or a  meetup group) to something more intentional like going on a blind date or meeting someone online.

However, if you make the decision to try to “put yourself out there”, please remember…

6. Don’t Take Things Too Personally (especially in the “getting to know you stage”)

Just because the object of your affection doesn’t want to sweep you off your feet and ride off into the sunset, doesn’t mean that there’s something horribly wrong with you. Sometimes when romantic opportunities don’t work out, it can be a good thing. You, and the other person, may not be a great fit for each other.

For example, when I was in college, I went on a few dates with a fellow coworker-scandalous…I know. 😉 Although he was cute, friendly,a great guitar player, and really nice, we didn’t share the same convictions about God and other areas of life. Since I was (and am) looking for someone who shares similar values, we didn’t go beyond the friend stage.

And to be honest, when I look back at the other relationships that didn’t pan out too well, I’ve come to realize that it was probably for the best (kind of like the old Garth Brook’s song “Unanswered Prayers”).

It’s been my experience that if we seek God and prayerfully seek His guidance (and listen to the warnings of friends and family), we can spare ourselves a lot of misery and heartache. Sometimes not getting want we want can be a blessing.

And finally, just to clear up any misconceptions…

7. It’s Okay To Be Single

I think that when some people say, “I found love when I wasn’t looking for it”, what they really mean is “I was open…not obsessed.”

From my perspective, it’s perfectly acceptable to put yourself in situations where the odds of finding a match are stacked in your favor. That being said, sometimes, in spite of our best intentions, great haircuts, and witty conversational banter, we still may find ourselves unattached.

This situation can be frustrating, hard, and painful.

My solution is…proactively wait.  Meet other people. Pursue your passions.  Own your feelings and desires.  You may not meet “the one” on the time table that you hoped for, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t have fulfilling relationships or even learn how to have healthy relationships with the opposite sex. The key is to seek balance. Don’t obsess, but don’t repress.

Hope this information helps. 🙂

-CS Woman

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4 Comments

  1. I meant to comment on the first one, but time got away from me. I LOVE this series of posts! it’s so down to earth and practical. I’m a great advocator of Meetups, not just to be in a better “social pool”, but to do stuff that you like with other people who like it who you wouldn’t have found otherwise. I’m toally bookmarking this and coming back to it for reference!

    Reply
  1. Laws of Attraction: Let’s Get Practical Part 1 | Chronicles of a Single Christian Single
  2. Lessons To My Younger Self-Part 1 | Chronicles of a Single Christian Single

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