Chronicles of a Newlywed… Part 1

Guest Blogger: Lindsey

A few summers ago I met Lindsey at a party of a mutual friend. As a fellow single lady, I could relate to her stories about the single life.

Even though we live in different cities, from time to time, we’d keep up through Facebook.  This summer I found out that she is recently married, so I invited her to share her story.

Meet Lindsey

I am a late married woman :).  After 21 years of dating, I finally married a few months ago at 36 and it was truly an amazing gift from God that I did not expect to receive. Looking back, God grew me tremendously during my single years, which is something you hate to hear when you’re still single. But I’ve come to realize that He is faithful and good even though at times it felt like He had forgotten my desires (and my loudly ticking biological clock).

My Roots

I was raised in a great Christian home with Godly parents. We were at church every time the doors opened. However, growing up Baptist in the 80’s and 90’s, I absorbed a lot of stuff that isn’t completely Biblical. Like…

  • If you wait to have sex until you’re married, God will reward you by bringing you a perfect person and the sex will be amazing!

-or-

  • If you live a life pleasing to the Lord, He will bless you with the desires of your heart. In my case, this meant marriage and kids in my 20’s, since being a wife and mom was what I had always seen myself doing.

The College Years

I dated a little in high school, but nothing serious. Then I went to Texas A&M for college. I hoped my time there would prove more eventful in the dating department.  In fact, I majored in History intending to become a teacher, since that would be the easiest career to leave when I decided to have kids.

Note this- My line of thinking was all about MY plans. At this point, although my faith was growing and I was surrounded by a great Christian community, I didn’t actually factor God into a lot of big decisions.  So when it came to dating, I thought surely my college experience would bring me a husband before I graduated.

But no guy appeared…

Moving On

I got my degree and changed locations so I could start teaching and work on my Masters in Library Science. My first job was at a high school where I taught English and coached cheerleading. I was there 4 years before finishing my degree. After graduation, I got a job at a high school library in the town where I grew up. During this time, I found a great church with a large singles group, but this turned out to be a season of a HUGE dating drought.  Although, I had a ton of male friends, some I was even interested in, we all hung out in groups constantly and practically no one paired up.

To make matters worse, at the same time as my dating drought, my younger sister married a pastor and started her ministry and family. This development was really hard. I think that was the time I truly began questioning God’s plan for me.

I had done everything right…

  • I had saved my virginity.
  • I only dated strong Christian guys.
  • I was deeply involved in church and I had a quiet time every morning.

God should have been rewarding me for all of this.  I was nearing 30-one of the big ones-and my life had in no way turned out how I planned.

Lessons Learned

One thing you should know about me is… I’m a big planner or said another way, I’m control freak. I like checking things off “the list”.

Case in point:

  • I wanted to buy a house before 30, so I bought my own house at 28.

I was scared and sad to do it on my own, but I was also very prideful in the fact that I did it. It was MINE and I could do everything on my own if I had to.

  • I wanted to stay in shape, so I started working out like a crazy person and dieting pretty strictly.
  •  I wanted a relationship, so…

I got into a relationship with a guy from my church that was purely making out and it is only through the grace of God that we did not have sex. These were very unhealthy years. I was in complete rebellion against God, but it was a hidden. No one else could see.

I was still involved in church, still leading a small group, but my heart was hard and bitter and I resented God for not giving me what He seemed to give everyone else so easily…a family of my own.

I would cry out to God, begging Him to end this season of my life because it had gone on for so long. I was so tired of trying to be perfect so that I could be attractive and worthy of what I wanted Him to give me.

Learning To Wait On God

At 33 I met a guy through a friend. He was an awesome Christian and I was enjoying dating again for the first time in a long time. I really thought he was the answer to my prayers…and then he broke my heart after 6 months of dating.

I had let myself care and hope so much during that relationship that when he ended things very suddenly, I didn’t know what to do.

I had to start over. But I felt too old and too tired. However, I remember coming to a place of surrender after that. And please believe me that I am not a fan of those who say “You have to give up your desire to be married and God will bring you someone then!” I think that is a box you cannot put God into.

During this time…

  • I continued to long for marriage.
  • I continued to pray and plead with God about what on earth He thought He was doing.
  • I even had many cry fests in the shower with God.

But there was a surrender that wasn’t there before…

To be continued next week: Chronicles of a Newlywed… Part 2

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4 Comments

  1. This is a great article – different than what many people are saying, and a refreshing read. I look forward to next week’s article!

    Reply
  1. Chronicles of a Newlywed…Part 2 « Chronicles of a Single Christian Single
  2. Chronicles of a single Christian Man Part 1 « Chronicles of a Single Christian Single
  3. Chronicles of a single Christian Man Part 2 « Chronicles of a Single Christian Single

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