Why Didn’t You Call Me

Broken heart symbolBeen There Done That: He’s Just Not That Into You

Has this ever happened to you?  You see an attractive guy and by some miracle, he walks across a crowded room to talk to you.  The conversation lasts for hours.

By the end of the night, you’re convinced that the moment has finally come where you’ve met that someone special. But as the night draws to an end, he doesn’t ask for your number or your e-mail.  And in the days that follow, he doesn’t send a Facebook request or ask one of your mutual friends to set you up.  There’s just silence.

But despite the fact that he hasn’t made a move, somehow you become emotionally invested. So… you cyber stalk him, ask your mutual friend to set you up, or even get his number.  Unfortunately, as the days wear on, it becomes apparent to everyone else but you, that He’s Just Not That Into You.

So what gives? You would think we would know better. Why do self-respecting women repeatedly fall “head over heels” in love with a guy who clearly isn’t interested?

I think it’s because…

  1. It’s hard to be rejected. Sometimes it’s easier to live with false hope than to deal with the reality that the attraction you feel is not reciprocated.
  2. It’s hard to believe that you can intensely like someone who doesn’t like you back. After all, if you’re feeling a strong connection, it’s difficult to believe that the other person isn’t feeling the same way.
  3. It may seem like there’s a limited pool of potential dating partners. It’s been said that once you leave college, the plethora of potential dating opportunities diminishes greatly.  Well, it’s true. (Where else do you find a large number of people of similar interests, background, age, etcetera all in one place?) So when you finally meet someone who you click with it’s easy to hold onto that spark of attraction with a death grip instead of being casually nonchalant.

So, what’s a smitten girl to do in a situation where she meets a guy that has potential?

  1. Pray.  But be careful.  Don’t turn your crush into a spiritualized opportunity to become obsessed with the object of your affection.
  2. Wait. If you have the opportunity to interact with this guy on a repeated basis, give the situation a little bit of time.  Who knows, he might make a move.
  3. Talk to your friends. Your friends might have some insight into the situation.  (Perhaps he has a girlfriend, has a flirtatious personality, etc.)
  4. Ask him out without asking him out. Sometimes guys need a little help to know that there’s interest on your part. For tips on how to do this, check out Jason Illian’s article at Crosswalk.com-How To Ask A Man Out Without Asking A Man Out
  5. Enlarge your circle of potential dating partners.  When you feel like your options are limited in terms of meeting someone, it’s easy to become fixated on a guy who may not be a great fit for you. Perhaps go online, join a club, or visit a different singles group.
  6. But whatever you do, don’t cyber stalk him! It’s too easy to get caught up in an idealized fantasy of the man who you’ve created in your head. His Facebook quotes may be hilarious and his blog entries may be witty and profound, but if you don’t know him in real life, you don’t really know him.

All that to say, unfortunately, the old adage is true.  If a guy is truly interested, he will do something about it.  That doesn’t mean you can’t give a little nudge, but know when it’s time to move on.

Broken heart symbol (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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  1. Jamy

     /  June 18, 2012

    Love your insight! 🙂

  2. Ellen

     /  July 19, 2012

    This is a great message for everyone. I think breaking down why we feel this way and what are the steps to take when it happens is really helpful in keeping our sometimes unreasonable emotions in check. Good, sound advice.

  3. Christina

     /  September 9, 2012

    Love it!


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